Mental Health Monday: Attachment styles and relationships

Mental Health Monday: Navigating attachment styles

Attachment styles is something we may not always think about but it can help us navigate our relationships effectively.

ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Do you know about attachment styles? If not, you may want to, as they’re basically how we form connections with others.

According to Kelcie Jimenez, a licensed professional clinical counselor in Albuquerque, there are four attachment styles:

  • Secure

“Secure is basically the healthy one. It’s the kind of one we all want to have.”

  • Anxious

“Someone that’s more like clingy and needy isn’t really sure about if their needs are going to be met.”

  • Avoidant

“People that tend to be more independent, or have like a harder time connecting emotionally.”

  • Disorganized

“It’s more of that fear that we want relationships, but we’re scared to have them.”

According to Jimenez, you form your attachment style in the formative years of your life. Knowing which one you identify with can help explain why we are the way we are in our relationships – professionally, platonically, romantically and so on. It can also explain why we work well with people or not.

We asked people in Old Town Albuquerque what their style is. Here are some of their responses:

  • “Avoidant.”
  • “I feel like I’m a logical thinker. I just want to stay away from drama, right? So, definitely emotionally distant.”
  • “I would say secure? Just because I’m really trusting. And I like to talk about conflict. And I’m very honest.”
  • “Disorganized.”
  • “Emotions are messy. There is some unresolved trauma.”
  • “Probably emotional. So disorganized, Yeah, same thing.”

Disorganized often came up. Why may someone be disorganized?

“That is the one that’s most connected with trauma. So that’s basically like, if you were a child, and you experienced some type of traumatic event with your caregiver, then that’s the one that you tend to have,” Jimenez explained.

Regardless of your attachment style, Jimenez says people with different styles can be compatible. She also adds you can work on changing your style.

If you’re curious to know what attachment style you have, then you can click here and take the quiz.